I gotta leave this two star town.
It's getting desperate mentally. Making music is such a good release daily, writing, getting out emotion, having an entity that expresses you that's out there putting energy into the world. Then this place just sucks it all back in until I'm a lifeless Americanized mass.
I blame drinking. Seriously, my love-hate relationship with clubbing is out of control. On one hand its such good networking, and now that I have people I genuinely like it can be a fun time. On the other, so many people are watching, and talking shit etc. that its making me uneasy, I'm not at the position in this game yet where every decision I make is right. We're so far out there as of now, the pictures, the magazines, the websites, this blog etc. that nothing is secretive, and we didn't have time to engineer our characters to look good so we're just out there for public perception no matter what the end result.
I've gotten real good at thriving off of others negative energy, but that gets draining, I still hold a huge ideal for a community of creatives working together towards something bigger to inspire me to great heights, but thats not coming. I've got to be so hard-headed to get things done, and then a persistent, annoying, pretentious person to make sure things follow through. Then when I do get to party we go all out so I don't even remember the extent of what happened.
All this is changing, as we realize more and more what we have to accomplish (getting an album done and using that to get on the road, anywhere) priorities change. The damage is still done though on a number of levels. I guess the main point of this all is that I'm still learning to live with haters, I know you can't please everyone or have everyone like you, but it sure would be a nice change. From here on out I'ma smile more.
