Lot on my mind.
Had a show tonight at Radius, supposed to open for Danity Kane but they weren't there and so people are looking at us like "who are these guys?" and it went far different than our last show there. It wasn't necessarily a bad thing, last time we were there we had all our people, a big stage and people were wildin out. This time our people stayed in the upper rafters and watched and the dance-floor full of people who don't know us. They stopped and watched in a strange state of shock which wasn't as hype as having our people out there rocking with us. Luckily we're in Scottsdale, and lots of people think anything is cool, and our music is pretty tight, and so we made a decent amount of new fans.
I bounced right after the show, I'm starting to hate the club because it's like the office, all networking etc. and I don't drink much, and my ex was the cocktail waitress in our skybox and she reminds me of a time before I was together as a person I don't like to remember.
I'm trying to figure out just what to do with my life in this intermediate period. I don't like nightlife, I don't want to make a living in that industry, it's just what I know and have connections in. I would love to do the music or work on Vela with DK but both of those require serious investment money, you can't really just start small and expand, there's a large buy-in point. I really like djing and I know the business inside out, maybe I should take that more seriously. Again a decent buy in point, but it's not inconceivably large. Design is enjoyable but the freelance life is super tedious and unreliable, and industry jobs pay nothing and involve lots of coding (which i hate with a passion). I have an extensive knowledge of marketing and product demographics and even distribution networks etc, but I need to find a way to apply that to something other than nightlife.
My main problem with this life I have now is no one I work with is reliable. The one person whose smart and capable enough to handle things, DK, works full time and will until he gets his CPA in a few months. Most of my connections in the industry who give me work are fuck-ups in one way or another, and I've watched all of them just continue to do bad business. The few exceptions are in other states. Maybe it's time to move back to New York in a few months. A lot of the kids I'm trying to do business with are rich and don't understand motivation and need and I'm learning I can't sit there and teach them these things, I don't have the skillset to teach life lessons in short periods of time.
Bottom line it's all on me and I don't have much, and I've never done anything conventionally, and I have no idea what I'm gonna be doing in 6 months or a year. I'm just tired of the unknown factor of it all, the "how am i gonna pay these bills" factor. I keep hitting obstacles, and one more set of two or three and I'm gonna be wiped out.
I broke a mirror 6 months back, maybe its that :)
